I attended two different birthday parties this last weekend on the same Saturday. One was a 4-year-old’s birthday party, and the other was a 30th birthday party. One was themed as a “Car Wash” party, complete with a blow-up car wash that sprayed water and bubbles everywhere. The other was themed “Death to My 20s,” where everyone wore black and there was a medium doing readings in the back room. Talk about whiplash.
I wonder what each respective group of partygoers would think of the other’s party. How would a 4-year-old feel about a “Death to Toddlerdom” party? What would that even look like? Little morose toddlers maybe playing in a blow-up casket that also spews water and bubbles? And how about the car wash–themed 30th birthday? Would we all be dressed up as sexy manual car washers who double as drunks?
Birthday parties are mostly elusive to me. I was talking to a friend about how, growing up, I never had what you’d consider to be a typical birthday party. Traditionally, the only thing that happened was my grandmother made a waffle dinner, and my aunts and uncles (who lived across the street) would come by, as well as my four or five brothers and sisters. Yes, those were certainly still gatherings, and I still got too many presents—but I’m talking about never having had a birthday party where a group of school friends came over and we hit a piñata or played party games.
I turned 30 in March, and I was really apprehensive about doing anything other than setting a meeting place at a local karaoke bar for the occasion. I don’t even like having people feel like they need to come eat dinner with me for my birthday, let alone attend a party for an entire weekend evening (although I was thrown a surprise party outside of my wishes this year).
I wonder what it is that makes me feel really guilty about asking people in my life to be anywhere for me. I remember feeling a strong sense of anxiety the entirety of my wedding day simply because I was asking my family to attend it! There’s probably a correlation between kids who had birthday parties and kids who didn’t, in how they feel about that sort of attention.
Don’t get me wrong—I don’t think what I exhibit is normal behavior. There’s nothing wrong or overtly selfish about asking people you love to come to a celebration for whatever reason—especially your wedding! I can’t help but feel this mindset creeps into mine and maybe other people’s heads, though, when it comes to calling on others for help when we’re in a low spot.
I can think of a number of times, personally, when I’ve felt alone, in distress, or even just needed help with something—and I stopped myself from reaching out to loved ones simply because I felt like a burden.
I’d certainly feel a lot less lonesome if I simply accepted that the same people who came to my wedding and my surprise birthday party would also show up for me if I needed them to lean on in any situation.
I could probably start exercising that muscle by throwing my own birthday party next year.
Theme: Death at the Car Wash: Turning 31
Waffles will be served.
-Wyatt
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